You are so annoying, Kiss me!
by Lemonygoodness12
Summary: Bella swan gets a ride of a life time when Officer Cullen Otherwise known as Officer Yummy Is instructed to take back to forks. Edward is a strict nononsense guy. And the rambunctious Bella may just melt his stone heart. or drive him insane. AU AH RXR EXB
1. Officer Yummy

**Hey Ya'll! My first one, hurray! Can't tell ya how long this took, I just never got around to it. So, I'm gonna try and just focus on one fic and only one, so tell me if you like or dislike this one. If you don't like it, I'll try a new one and see if ye'll like that better. There will be lemons in all my stories and you'll figure out why if you just look at me name. These are not for eyes under.........well I'm not sure, no youngins though! I may or may not write a sequal, not sure.

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1. Officer Yummy

"Shit!" I growled and quickly hid my beer under my seat as red and blue lights began to flash from behind me. I pulled over to the side of the rode and grabbed my fake I.D, watching as the police car did the same as me.

The guy got out of his cruiser, taking his time as he strolled over to my car and tapped on the window, signaling for me to roll it down. With a sigh I pressed the button and buzzed the window down, not looking up at the guy.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" He asked, taking out a little note pad.

"Gonna write an article about?" I asked sarcastically. He just stared at me. I couldn't see his face since it was so dark, but, damn. He had a _nice_ jaw. "I don't know? Speeding?" I yawned and tapped my fingers on the wheel. He just shook his head and wrote something down.

"License and registration please." He said, holding out his hand with out looking up.

"Yesiree." I grumbled and handed him the phony I.D along with a registration.

"Mrs. Dwyer?" He asked skeptically.

"Yeah."

"Please step out of the car ma'am." He said, stepping back you've got to kidding me. I grumbled and hopped out the car, crossing my arms across my chest and leaning back on the car.

The man suddenly grabbed me and whirled me around, so I was bent over the hood on my stomach.

"Nice to finally meet you, Isabella, Swan." He whispered into my ear, making me grit my teeth together. I couldn't help but admire how strong his arms where, considering one of them was wrapped around my waist. Might as well mess with him a bit.

"You know, I spend a lot of time bent over hoods." I snickered.

"Get arrested a lot, Miss Swan?" He asked, handcuffing my wrists behind my back. I waited until he was near my head again before whispering,

"Nope. I should've said; just bent over in general." I gave him a wink and grinned when his eyes widened at my vulgar comment. He pulled away and put his hands on my hips. "That wasn't an invitation." I chuckled. "But we might wanna get out of the rode before we get too hard core." His grip tightened and I winced.

"Enough with the dirty talk." He growled. "I'm patting you down now, don't assume anything." I just laughed again as he started patting down my body. He did keep his hands to himself other than what was required; though I noticed his hands did slightly skim my thighs when he was past my short-shorts. He began reciting the bullshit every officer has to say, making me yawn.

"You have the right to remain silent, blah blah blah, against you in court, yadda yadda yadda." He towed me over to his police cruiser and pushed me in the back, slamming the door behind me.

"What about my car?!" I yelled as he began to pull back onto the rode.

"It'll be towed back to you." He grumbled. I watched as my car was left in the distance and turned to glare at the back of his head. He turned suddenly and my breath caught. W-O-W. He was smokin'! Officer Yummy!

"Be quiet and only speak to ask if we can eat, or use the bathroom." He said and faced the rode again. Yes, sir, Officer Yummy! Wait! Hell no!

"And what if I don't?" I challenged and watched smugly as his back stiffened.

"Do you really want to upset a police officer?" He asked, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.

"Been there, done that." I shrugged.

"Haven't you tried not getting into trouble?" He asked, clearly aggravated.

"What's the fun in that?" I asked innocently. "Any way, the only things I have to improve are my tactics on not getting caught. Hey, why am I being arrested anyway?" The thought had slipped my mind.

"Prostitution." He said flatly and seemed startled when I cracked up.

"Seriously? They're still after me? That was, like, last week!" I gasped for air before putting on a strait face. "I have money with me, can I just bail myself out now?" I asked receiving another glare.

"No. I received a call from your father, telling me to bring you home." He huffed. Charlie! I should've known. I loved the man to bits, but this was a bit unfair. I was going to come home anyway; I was just here for a week!

"Well, I will miss Chicago…Whoa! Wait a minute! _You_ are driving me back to Forks?!" I yelled. "Why?!" I grumbled a few profanities. "How come we can't take a plane?"

"He doesn't want to pay for your ticket, and I'm not going too." The officer said, still glaring. What was his problem? Oh, yeah, he was a cop. They all hated me.

"What's you're name, Chum?" I asked and grinned at his provoked expression.

"Officer Cullen." He growled.

"No, no, no! You're first name! If we're gonna take a…" I counted the days on my fingers. "…About a week long drive together, I want to be able to be a bit less formal." He eyes my tiny shorts and reveling tank top with one eyebrow arched.

"Formal?" He huffed a laugh. "Fine, My name is Edward."

"Aw, that's boring." I scoffed. He narrowed his eyes at me. "How about, Eddie?" He shook his head, not even looking at me any more. "Ed? Dward?" He wasn't acknowledging my existence any more. That was quick. After a moment another one popped into my head. "Edwardo!" I yelled and gave my self a little cheer. He sighed and turned onto the high way.

"Edwardo! _Edwardo!_ Edward_O_!" I said in a Spanish accent, testing all the different ways it could sound. "ED_ward_DO!" I yelled with an Italian accent.

"Shut. Up." He growled and I bit my lip to keep from snickering.

"*Cough*Edwardo*Cough*." I smiled as his grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"So, tell me Edwardo," I leaned forward so my elbows were resting on the metal bar holding the flexi-glass separator up. "Got a hot chic waiting for you at home?" I asked, grinning widely as his knuckles turned white.

"That is none of you concern." He replied through tight lips.

"I'm not concerned. Should I be? I mean, a good looking guy like your self should be banging babes left and right." I shrugged and wrested my chin on my now crossed arms.

"Why do you talk like that?" He blurted.

"Like how? English? I can switch to Spanish, but I'm warning you now, the only words I know are, use a condom, hell no and thanks." I furrowed my brow in mock confusion.

"Like that. You are so…vulgar." He said in an exasperated tone. I cackled and leaned back into my seat.

"I'm street smart, my vocabulary homework was on how to spell; Shank." I laughed at my own joke. "Anyway, back to the question, gotta girl? From you're reaction, I'll say; No." I smiled smuggle as his impossibly strong grip tightened a little more. "You should stop doing that, your hands might fall off from lack of circulation and that would be bad. You wouldn't be able to wack off and since you're not getting any that's all you have."

"You're a crude bitch." He grumbled.

"Ooh! That's a new one, I'll log that away for future reference." I pretended to write something down.

"Hey, when are we stopping, I gotta take a pissola!" I yelled loudly. He sighed and pulled over next to a woodsier patch of rode.

"Go in the bushes" He said and got out to pull me out of the back.

"Fuck no! What if a raccoon bites my ass?!" I yelled, looking at the dark trees nervously.

"Then don't pee on a raccoon. Come on, its cold out." He said, pulling me towards the bushes.

"I can't go with you here!" I yelled, throwing my arms into the air.

"Then I guess you can hold it until we get to a hotel." He said, turning on his heel.

"Fine! I'll go! Just, look the other way." I grumbled as I squatted and let loose the diet Pepsi I drank earlier. Then, I got an idea. I moved as quietly as possible, watching Edwards back carefully.

"Why are you moving around?" He called over his shoulder.

"I'm trying to find a leaf!" I yelled back and laughed when he groaned in disgust. I crept up behind him and leaped up to wrap my arms around him. He was so surprised I managed to pin him to a tree.

"This isn't the time for a game." He growled, his nose inches from mine. I leaned impossibly close and noticed when his breathing slightly hitched.

"But, I'm _good_ at this game." I murmured and arched my back so my chest slightly pressed into his, as well as my hips. He was just beginning to get hard so I yanked my self away. "Come on, it's cold out." I said in a no-nonsense voice and trudged towards the police cruiser. But he caught me. He pushed against the doors and let his hands trail down my sides. He leaned his forehead against mine and stared into my eyes. I cursed my self when I felt my own breath hitch. His palm cupped my breast and teased my nipple until it got rock hard. And then he pulled away leaving his forehead against mine.

"Two can play that game, Swan." He murmured before opening the door and shoving me inside. And god damns it if I wasn't wet! He was good. Really good. I liked him!

"Buckle up." He said over his shoulder before pulling onto the road again. And that was all he said. That was fine with me; I was busy thinking of some revenge.

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**So? Yay or nay on the orysay? Incase you are not insane like me, I just said, yes or no on the story? REVIEW!!!!! Thnx! I post quickly ya'll, so don't be afraid to give me a few pointers! I'll try to write them longer.**


	2. Officer Yummy Is A Bitch

**Hey ya'll! So, there is a lemon here, but not with Officer Yummy. I want them to get to know each other a bit, but I can promise you the lemon will be spontaneous……they all will. Let me explain Bella a bit: She is a player. She does not settle down, so as she falls for Edward, it's all new for her, but you'll get a surprise at the end! So the reason she is always sexually teasing Edward is because no one has ever eluded her. She likes a challenge. Oh and also, when the letters are in italics but no one is saying anything, it's her thinking. She has arguments with herself occasionally, it is kinda funny. Okay, READ!!!**

**Oh wait! I will occasionally switch to Edward POV Just cause, but the POV's will NOT be even. He may have like a paragraph in his POV and bellas POV the rest of the story. Okay _now_ read.**

2. Officer Yummy is a Bitch

I was still fuming slightly when we pulled into a hotel, Edwardo the seducer had yet to say a word to me.

"Umm, I need some clothes." I said when he got me out of the police car.

"Why?" Why? Was he stupid? Obviously so.

"I can't sleep in these clothes." I grumbled.

"Tough up." He growled and pulled me into the lobby. He got a room and towed me up the stairs, ignoring my protests that I could walk my self.

"I've been doing it for twenty years, Edward! I think I can manage a few stairs!" I yelled. He, of course, ignored me and shoved me into our room.

"Shut up." He groaned and rubbed his temples.

"Well smack my ass and call me naughty, this place is fucking sweeeeeeet!" I gasped as I took in the first class suite.

"Enough with the language." He sighed and plopped onto the couch.

I grabbed a piece of stationery and a pen.

_**Okay, how's this? **_

I wrote down on it.

"Stop being a smart ass." Edward huffed, ripping the paper away from me.

"Then stop being a dumb ass." I muttered back. Someone was grumpy.

"My GOD, you are _so_ annoying! Do you ever stop talking?" He yelled. I was quiet for a few moments.

"Not really." I finally admitted and grinned when he covered his face with is big hands.

His face was an unhealthy shade of red so I decided to stop tormenting him. After all, I couldn't have much fun with him if he died of an aneurysm. He suddenly grabbed his cell phone dialed a number.

"Hey, Charlie. Yeah, we're at the hotel…. oh, she's, umm, interesting……how do you get her to stop talking? Uh huh…..well then I guess I'm outta luck."

"Hi Dad!" I yelled from behind Edward, who jumped about a foot off the ground.

"He says hi and be good." Edward said skeptically then added, "like that will ever happen." after hanging up. He stretched and groaned.

"Well, I'm off to bed, tell me if you need a pillow." I sighed and walked into the bedroom.

"I get the bed." He said, fallowing me.

"Uh, no." I whirled around to face him.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Y-" I smashed my lips to his, always a good way to shut a guy up. He froze underneath me before shoving me off him.

"Do. Not. Do. That." He said in a low voice that actually scared me. I nodded and hopped in bed, not saying anything else to him. Truth be told, he hurt my feelings a bit. I heard him get settled on the floor next to the bed, punching the pillow into the right shape.

"Did I actually dampen little miss Swans spirits?" He chuckled. I wriggled out of my shorts and shirt before throwing them over the side of the bed, making sure they landed right in front of his face.

"Not a chance." I said and snapped the strap of my thong loudly. "Sure you wanna sleep all alone on the floor?"

"With out a doubt." He murmured sleepily. I shrugged and snuggled down for the night.

"Oops, almost forgot." I pulled off my bra and through it down with the rest of the cloths. "The under wire is uncomfortable." I explained, grinning when I heard Edward groan and turn away from my discarded clothing. I got him!

How Officer Edwardo Yummy wakes up at five thirty, I will never know. But when he tried waking _me _up. Ha. He will be scarred for life.

I was in the middle of a wonderful dream involving a trench coat and shop lifting, when he came and started prodding my shoulder.

"NNNNMG!" I groaned and rolled over.

"Miss Swan Wake up!" He said, shoving me slightly.

"Touch me again and I'll rip out your testicles." I warned.

"Come on." He sighed but stopped when I reached blindly for his crotch.

"Warned you." I mumbled into my pillow. He yanked the covers off of me and I hissed loudly, still clinging to my pillow.

"GET UP!" He yelled.

"FUCK OFF!" I screamed back at him. I peeked out the window with one eyes. "Its still _dark_ out you maniac!"

I gasped when I felt him grab me and fling my drowsy body over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" I shrieked and pounded on his back. I clawed viciously with my nails and smiled when I broke skin.

"Ow!" He yelled as a little blood trickled down his back.

"Consider it a reminder of what happens when you try to man handle me!" I shouted back at him.

"Get ready to go!" He yelled, dropping me to the bathroom floor. "And put your shirt on." He dropped my clothes next to me.

"Ass!" I yelled after him.

"Bitch!" He called back. Touché. I changed quickly and yanked my hair back into a messy bun. And then I saw what _he_ was wearing. Hubba hubba! No shirt, no pants, just boxers! Oooh! Scrumptious! Get a look at that _ass!_ His name is now; Officer Yummy_ Pants_! Mmm-mmm!

"We gotta go, if we want to be traffic." He said, pulling on a shirt and his pants before grabbing my arm and yanking out the door. We took the elevator this time, thank god! I wasn't fat, thick wasted and broad shouldered was more like it, but that didn't mean I was at the gym everyday getting in shipety shape.

The elevator was _crowded_ with a capital; CLAUSTERPHOBIC!! Edward and I scrunched into the back corner and groaned when more people got on. I was facing him with my legs on either side of his and my face smashed into his chest. Something was on my thigh and I moved slightly before I figured out what it was.

"You have a boner!" I gasped quietly so only him and I could hear. He growled and looked away.

"I'm a guy! I can't help it when we're in this position." He whispered. I snickered lightly.

We finally got out of the elevator and practically sprinted towards the doors.

"I got the munchies." I declared after fifteen minutes of driving.

"Yeah, I'm a bit peckish too." He said, pulling into a small diner.

"Did you just say, '_Peckish_'?" I cackled and fell onto my side. "Where the fuck are we? England?" He rolled his eyes and helped me out of the car.

"Just be quiet, eat you food and we can go." He hissed as he shoved me through the doors.

"Hello, table for two?" The hostess asked, a big stupid smile plastered across her face.

"Yes please." Edward gave her a wink that I'm sure made her day.

_Wait a minute…he winked at her?_

_Why?_

_The question is, why should _I _care?_

I mused with my self and attempted to fight the odd, achy feeling in my chest as Miss Smiley Pants led us towards our table. Hm. Well, if he wants to hump every chic but me, FINE!

Just then I caught the eyes of very cute skater boy two tables down. He nodded his head at me and raised an eyebrow.

_Lets give Mr. Eddie Yummy Pants a taste of his own medicine._

"I'm gonna go pee." I said in a sulky tone. He shrugged and read over his menu. Ass.

I gently tugged on the guy's sweatshirt as I passed, giving him a wink and heading towards the girls restroom. He fallowed. Of course. I was an easy lay.

AS soon as the door clicked shut I leaped on him, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"My names Mike." He murmured around my lips.

"Bella." I gasped as he groped my breasts. He rubbed his hardened dick in-between my legs and my breathing began to hitch. As his hands snaked up my sides I reached down and unbuttoned his pants, reaching into his boxers and stroking him. He moaned and yanked my short-shorts to my ankles before setting my on the sink.

"Lock the door!" I said through a sharp in take of breath. He reached over and twisted the lock before coming back to my and fingering the lace of my thong.

"Fucking hot." He murmured and kissed me again. I had no patience for kissing. I yanked my shirt off along with my bra and pushed my bare chest against his. He quickly fallowed suit and pulled his shirt off. I ran my fingertips across his strong chest, grinning when I felt him tremble.

He quickly pulled off my now soaked thong and tossed it behind him.

"Shit!" He spat and I looked at him questioningly. "I don't have a condom." He sighed. I smirked and pulled one out of my shorts pocket.

"I always come prepared." I murmured. He flashed me a grin and quickly rolled the condom on. "Fuck me." I growled. He obeyed and thrust into me, making me moan in pleasure. My groans grew into whimpers of pleasure and soon I was grinding my hips along with his, gripping his shoulder blades tightly and kissing his neck. His tip repeatedly hit my G-spot over and over, receiving a gasp of Bliss from me each time.

"Mmmm….almost there!" I whimpered. He reached down and rubbed my clit. I yelled out in ecstasy as I reached my climax. My body tightened and I shuddered as I came. He did as well with a groan and laid his forehead on my shoulder. Our pants slowly decreased to a normal breathing pace and I pulled my clothes on.

"It was a pleasure meeting you." I said with a seductive smile and turned to leave.

**EPOV**

I was reading the omelet section when I first heard them. Our table was close to the restroom, so I didn't worry about the rest of the diner hearing them, but I still wanted to puke.

"Lock the door!" Came bellas gasp and my hands tightened around the menu.

"Shit! I don't have a condom." Came the mans voice. Good.

"I always come prepared." Bella said and I could just her the smirk in her voice. I shuddered when I heard her say, "Fuck me." And then let out a moan. Their sex sound continued and I immediately lost my appetite.

I thanked god when it was finally quiet. A few moments later, Bella walked out, adjusting her hair as she did.

"Find anything good?" She asked, a bright smile on her face. She knew I heard her. That bitch. But I couldn't help but smirk. She likes pay back. Well, then I guess that's what I give her.

**Like it? That was my first lemon ever, so don't judge! Well, review! I will try to post another today!**


	3. Bad news

**Attention all readers,**

**This is Anna's Aunt. A few day ago, Anna was in a car accident that killed her parents and left her seriously injured.**

**She will be okay, but must stay in the hospital for awhile. She has asked me to post this, since she doesn't want you to think she's slacking. **

**She is in a bit of shock after losing both her parents. She says sorry and she will try to start again as soon as possible.**

**Thank you.**


	4. I'm back, sort of

**Hello,**

**I'm actually not suppose to be on the computer, but my big brother snusk a lap top into my hospital room. I will try to type a bit when I'm here, but I'm realy weak and tired, so I wont update very quickly. I'm going to keep writing. You're so Annoying, Kiss Me, but I'm also starting a new one called, If I Could Do It All Over Again. It's kind of like knocked up, but with twilight charectors and just a little different. Bella has a one night stand with Edward (Who's a player) and ends up pregnant. If that isn't bad enough, Edward is the son of a very powerful mob boss who is non too happy about his new, soon to be, grandchild. **

**I gotta go, the doctor is squacking at me.**

**I can't wait till I'm outta here.**


	5. HELP!

Okay Everyone, I know you're expecting a new chapter and it has been a _really _long time. But, I don't know what to do! Leave a review saying what you want Edwards revenge to be! I'll use one of your guy's ideas since I'm lazy. Well, and in a hospital bed.

Also, my new story is posted! Yay! So go read and review! Don't worry; I'm going to finish this one.

Thank you for all of the carrying comments and hopes that I get well! I'm so thank-full I have such caring reviewers. I love you all! Hugs all around! This is a difficult time for me, and I really appreciate your caring words.

Okay, so post those reviews! Think of worse thing possible (But still legal since Edwards a cop) Edward should do for revenge! I'll mention your name in the authors note for who ever I pick!

Bye, love ya

- Anna


	6. LONG ASS APOLOGY

**LONG ASS APOLOGY**

**Ehem....I. Am. A. Bitch. I'm so so so sos so so so so so so so so sorry!!! I completly forgot about this account and all of my WONDERFUL reviewers! OH MY GOD IM AWFUL! Please forgive me. *cringes from your beating sticks* But I am here to make a promise. I promise I will work on each of my stories now. **

**I pledge to honor your reviews**

**When I post something new**

**I pledge to continue with daddyward**

**And to move on with mafiaward**

**And to tell more of Copward**

**I promise to love Jacob**

**So that he and Vivian may find Lub**

**I vow to use more Nessie**

**So she can beat on Edward the pussy**

**I Promise to Reveal Vivians true form**

**And snuggle up to Jacobs Abs, nice 'n warm**

**I pledge to have Bella pop out a baby**

**And Daddyward will finally be nice...maybe.**

**I promise Officer-yummy pants**

**Will soon have Bella in his pants**

**I vow to update weekly**

**Even if I am sickly**

**I pledge to tell about muscles**

**Tan and pale**

**Hot and cold**

**Bitchy and Kind**

**So with that**

**I hope you can all rest with peace at mind**

**Because I love you all**

**Like bad rhyming in the fall**

**So dont show your hate**

**Because I've been an ignorant bitch of late**

**Okay guys! love ya! I prolly faked you all out thinkin I updated....Sorry. BUT I WILL BE POSTING SOON! Check out my profile for the story schedule. I LOVE YOU GUYS SOO MUCH! STICK WITH ME!!  
**


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